lifestyles

Give and Take in a DS Relationship

First, a RL 24/7 Master-slave relationship
such as in Gor, can only work when the NEEDS of both Master and slave are being met. Masters are not mindreaders, and they should expect their slaves to tell them about any REAL needs which she has. In doing so, she knows that he will take what she says very seriously and attempt to meet her needs. Her Master is in charge, but can succeed only if she fully cooperates with him.
Second, although relating as Master and slave, both partners recognize that they are REAL people, and therefore the relationship is based upon recognizing this reality. To recognize this in a real fashion the relationship should operate with the following hierarchy:
1. the slave's REAL NEEDS must always come first
2. the Master's needs and desires come next
3. the slave's desires come last
Thus, in order for this scheme to work properly, a salve must clearly distinguish between her NEEDS and DESIRES and communicate that difference to her Master.
Third, her happiness is ultimately as important as her Master's in the success of the Master-slave lifestyle. One of a slave's NEEDS is to have SOME of her desires met. She knows that it is gratifying to her Master to grant some of her desires. It is, of course, entirely his choice as to which of these desires will be gratified, however, how well she begs her Master will certainly affect his choice of what he grants her. Thus, attaining her happiness depends as much upon her Master as upon the intensity of her desires.
Fourth, forgivenss is essential. No Master is a perfect Master, and neither is any slave a perfect slave. Slaves will have a number of difficulties which cause them stress and which interfere with attaining the level of performance her Master desires. However, a Master's goal is to strengthen her and train her so that she will be able to attain the level of performance he wants. Even if both make mistakes, yet both are committed to the same goal, and thus can forgive each other their imperfections.
Based on the above, it is OK to become a "real human being" with a Master. Posturing Gorean-style Masters who allow no room for expressing a slave's real needs inhibit real development. On the contrary, it is essential for a Master to fully understand his slave in order to be able to truly Master her, and that it is only by assuring her of her welfare that she can focus on being attentive and submissive to him. This lesson takes time to learn.
Some might think that this scheme takes too much away from the Master. However, I believe that with great power comes great responsibility. The more responsibility the Master can assume for his slave -- assuring her of his commitment to her happiness and welfare as much as to a "safe and sane" preservation and enhancement of his power over her -- the more REAL power he will be able to exercise over her.
A Master takes away his slave's free use of time. Her time no longer belongs to her. She rises in the morning when instructed, and her use of time is at Master's will.

She will work at what Master orders when he tells her. If she works outside the home, she is expected back at a certain time, her time belongs to him. When she eats, sleeps, perhaps uses the bathroom, when she does her chores, and when and if she has leisure is not for her to decide. Her time is not her own. If Master calls her to his side, she goes, no matter what she was doing. Her time is not her own, it belongs to Master. When you take away a woman's free use of her time, it no longer belongs to her, but becomes Master's time. I think there is no more powerful psychological experience than that of not owning your own time. Physicality: The experience of one's body as one's own. A slave's body does not belong to her. She is instructed on how to wear her hair, whether and how to use makeup, when to be clothed, and in what clothing, and when to be naked, how to care for her skin and nails. She can be stripped and inspected at will. She is denied free access to her own pleasure. She may not masturbate without permission. She may not climax without permission. She may not take aspirin for a headache without permission. She has sex when, how, and with whom her Master decides. She must bear whatever pains are inflicted upon her. She has no right to say "no" to the use of her body. After a time, her psychological reality becomes "my body no longer belongs to me." When you take away a woman's free use and handling of her own body, it no longer belongs to her, but become's Master's property. It is a powerful shock that first moment a woman recognizes that her body is no longer her own.
Privacy: We free beings are used to the right to privacy. We close bathroom doors. We perform our ablutions in private. We would prefer to be left alone when we are ill, perhaps, or cranky, or not looking our best. We hide the evidence of our menses: flush the tampons, wrap the used napkins. We take our deepest fears, our most intense angers, our illogical primitive emotions and hide them from others, lest they turn from us in disgust or fear. We note our dreams in morning and consign them to the dream ether from whence they come; they disturb us and we wish to forget. A slave has no right to any of that privacy. There is no private space in which a slave can hide from Master, either literally or metaphorically. She may not close a bathroom door. If Master wants her to experience her lack of privacy, he may choose to intrude upon her bathroom functions. She may not hide her fears, her angers, her emotions, for when Master intuits she is astir, he will be in her face until she opens them to him. When a woman has no privacy, neither physical nor psychological, she no longer owns her space, her external or internal space. When you take away a woman's privacy, she no longer owns her internal or external space, her very essence belongs to Master.
We can see why this takes time. It takes time because one must repeatedly, consistently, doggedly take ownership of a woman's time and body, and strip her of the right to privacy. And it's no wonder there is resistence along the way: it's not only willfulness that must be addressed, but resistence out of fear when a woman begins to be transformed, when she feels her ownership of her time eroded, her ownership of her body stripped away, her privacy gone. A woman enters this process a free agent, comfortably familiar to herself, and is truly transformed. She becomes a slave.
<http://www.tanos.org.uk/>