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Chapter 3 - Bondage and Domination Rules
Note: In this chapter, and henceforth, I will be referring to Masters and Doms as Doms. Likewise, slaves and subs will be called subs.
In order for any venture to be successful, there must be basic guidelines. We understand that every couple is different, and no two B&D relationships are the same. Nevertheless, basic agreements exists, or else you go outside the boundaries of what is considered a B&D relationship. Every couple will have their own set of agreements, however, I feel there are some that are universal.
1. No actual injury should occur to the sub. That does not suggest that spankings, discipline and correction do not occur, they just are not calculated to produce real injury, either to body or mind. In B&D, pain is sometimes used to correct behavior. It is not the central focus of the relationship.
2. Pre-agreed limits. It is simply an agreement on what the Dom and sub will and will not do. These limits are different for all couples. A pre-agreed limit is simply the boundaries established by the relationship. As an example, we have an agreement on not bringing in outside people to our bedroom. It is important to discuss honestly with each other what your personal limits are before beginning a B&D relationship. These are lines that are not crossed without at least some discussion beforehand. These boundaries do change with time as the relationship progresses.
3. The sub should have a "safeword", or something they can say to halt the present time activity. The safeword is a word that is understood by both parties to mean that action needs to stop. It could be that the sub is in great pain, or the Dom wants to clarify a situation outside of the action he is engaged in. Usually, it is that a line is being crossed that was not discussed in the pre-agreed limits, but just now came up. B&D is supposed to be enjoyed by both parties. Limits and safewords are type of guarantee that things don't get out of control on either side. If a Dom decides that a nice caning would be needed, and the sub has a major problem with it, the safeword would be used here to ensure the Dom does not misunderstand the sub. This does not mean the caning would not occur, it means the Dom would have the opportunity to consider the opinion of the sub before continuing.
Communication between the Dom and sub is crucial to a successful B&D relationship. The sub must be willing to talk about her feelings and the Dom must be receptive. The Dom also must be conscious of the non-verbal cues the sub gives. For a satisfying B&D relationship, it helps to have an underlying affinity for the other partner. The Dom is attempting to perfect his sub to his ideal of what the sub should be. The sub must want that goal, too. If either of these points do not exist, the B&D can degrade into an abusive relationship, or the partners go off, dissatisfied. B&D is for the mutual enjoyment of both partners. Limits and safewords assist in ensuring both parties experience pleasure, and neither gives up all control. Over time the use of safewords and limits may diminish, however many couples in a long term relationship still use them.

Chapter 4 - Reward and Punishment
This point is where many B&D relationships fall to pieces. Overpunishment for minor infractions, non-acknowledged good deeds, and ignoring blatant wrong action cause the affinity in the relationship to break down. The roles of both Dom and sub are fairly rigid; the duties of both well understood. When a Dom doesn't punish major infractions, or ignores correct action by his sub, the agreements made at the beginning of the relationship are broken. It is here that a Dom shows his true colors. The Dom should be in control not only of his sub, but himself as well. At the beginning of a B&D relationship, the Dom and sub may agree on a long list of correct and incorrect actions, but if the Dom does not remember them, the sub is "getting over" on the Dom, and in the process, losing respect for him and his power. It would be better to have only a few rules at the start, then as time progresses, expand them as the relationship grows. Overcorrecting [Image]is also poor. If the Dom is cruel or vicious, the sub will only do what is required out of fear of punishment. Over time, the sub will have no desire to please the Dom, and the Dom will suddenly realize he has no real control over the sub. Punishment is a tool to correct wrong or no action by the sub. IT SHOULD NEVER BE DONE IN ANGER! This is a very important point. When you punish in anger, real injury can occur, safewords are nullified, and limits do not exist. This is a very dangerous situation. The Dom who punishes in anger is moving into the area of abuse. In B&D, the Dom cares about the feelings of the sub. It is very difficult to have empathy when you are angry. Pain is not the end all and be all of a B&D relationship. It is just one more tool at the disposal of the Dom to guarantee his rules are complied with. Punishment does not even have to include pain. Movement restrictive bondage, humiliation, harsh words, or even a look can punish the sub. Privileges can be removed such as not being allowed to sit on the furniture, or by the Dom forcing the sub to sleep at the foot of the bed. There are many ways to punish incorrect actions. Save the severe stuff for major infractions. If you beat a dog every day, all you get is an angry, uncontrollable dog. The same goes for a sub, and an angry sub is much more hazardous than an angry dog. Punishment is always followed by reward when the sub corrects the infraction. The sub must be allowed to make up the damage, and then it is forgiven. Rewards show the sub that the Dom is pleased. It is a tangible show of love and caring from the Dom to the sub for a correct action. This is the true power of the Dom. The reward can be a kiss, a caress, flowers, a short note, or even a long, tender session of lovemaking. Rewards given to the sub shows that the Dom is thinking of them, and cares for their well being. It acknowledges their proper behavior and reinforces it. This is how the Dom creates in the sub the willingness to please him. A happy sub will do anything to ensure the happiness of the Dom, and will avoid actions that disappoint him.

Chapter 5 - Bondage
Bondage is a tool used by the Dom to restrict the movement of, or to immobilize the sub. Binding is normally used for correction, but can be used for pleasure, depending on the particular B&D relationship. During bondage, the Dom has complete control over the sub, but this depends on the type of binding used. There are a variety of restraints you can purchase at your local adult bookstore, or through catalogs. Each one has its own use and purpose. Regardless of the style of restraint, they should all be somewhat comfortable to wear but restrictive, and should not cut off blood circulation. If the sub is extremely uncomfortable, they will have attention on their body and not fully on the Dom. During bondage, the Dom has almost complete control of the sub's body, and can use the time for instruction, punishment, teasing, or can bring the sub to orgasm at the Dom's wishes. In order to be bound, there has to be a deep level of trust by the sub for the Dom. It is at this time more than any other that the Dom needs to be very perceptive of the cues the sub will give. When a sub is bound, the chance for injury jumps drastically, and the sub is not in a position to defend or assist herself. It is an act of total submission to allow yourself to be bound, and the sub is trusting the Dom to do the right thing. Therefore, the Dom must be in complete control of himself while handling a bound sub. Drinking or taking drugs before bondage is not recommended.
Ropes.
Rope bondage is the most common. This includes rope, scarves, neckties, belts, or any other multi-purpose item used to restrain the sub. Usually, the hands are bound to each other, but they can be bound to the thighs, waist, behind the back, or above the head. The sub can also be bound to another object such as a chair, shower curtain rod, hook in the ceiling, and many other places where you can tie off a rope. The feet can also be bound together, or apart. Care must be taken with rope. It is very easy to cut off circulation, or cause rope burns. Use a soft, large diameter rope, such as nautical rope. Check your sub frequently. The more the sub struggles, the tighter the rope becomes.
Straps.
Normally, these are special items made of nylon webbing or leather. These are items that go a step beyond mere binding of hands or feet. They are much more difficult to get out of, and are more restrictive. One example is a setup that goes around the neck and waist, and binds both hands closely behind the back of the sub. Used with ankle restraints, the sub is almost completely immobilized. Some strap items bind the wrists to the thighs, or to the ankles. Strap bondage items tend to be for a single purpose.
Cuffs.
Cuffs are mainly used for wrist and arm restraint. When referring to leg and ankle restraint, they are normally called shackles. They can be made from many different materials, from nylon with Velcro closings, to leather, to metal. Care must be taken in using cuffs since a tight fit can cut off circulation. Cuffs can be used to bind the hands to the sub's waist, ankles, thighs, or to other objects. Usually, when hand or thumbcuffs are not used, the cuff is a specialized item that binds an extremity to another object, one or two at a time.
We do not recommend police-style handcuffs for bondage. They do hurt, and can cause skin and tendon damage. Use a wrist strap device made for the purpose.
Chains.
Since chains can cause injury to the skin, they are normally used to support cuffs, or to hold up a suspension device. However, some Doms use chain directly on the skin because it will not tighten accidentally. Choose a smooth, finished chain, and use quick-release clasps.
Suspension Devices.
Suspension devices are used to raise the sub off the floor. These devices are more advanced, and are best left alone if you are inexperienced.
Specialty Items.
These items include padded boards, gymnastic horses, racks, crosses, benches, stocks, and many other items. These items are expensive and normally take up large amounts of space. Before purchasing these, make sure you have room for them in your home. They are also advanced bondage items.
For the beginner, I would suggest using what you have in the house. Gym equipment, the dining room table, chairs, shower curtain rods, placing a hook above the door frame, or a four poster bed work very well for training purposes. A Dom does not need a fully equipped dungeon to properly train a submissive. As you acquire more specialized bondage items over time, remember to inspect the item carefully before placing it on your sub. If the item is frayed, cut, or has broken clasps, throw it away. It is dangerous to use damaged items. At best, it is an unnecessary interruption of play. At worst, your sub could be injured. These are the Dom's tools. Keep them in working order.

Chapter 6 - Training Items
There are many types of training items. Usually, they are used for punishment, but when used gently, can be very erotic. These items should serve no other purpose than for the administration of discipline. They are symbols of power and authority for the Dom. They must be treated with care and respect. Do not wield an item unless you are prepared to use it. These items are more than just another tool. They should instill awe in the sub, and effect an immediate change in their attitude. They are tangible evidence of the Dom's role as the administrator of justice to the sub. Therefore, they should not be overused or misused.
Belts can be used to discipline the sub. Folded in half, they are very effective for spanking. It is easy to get out of control with a belt, though, inflicting more pain than is necessary. Of course, the intensity of pain is at the discretion of the couple. Riding crops are also very effective. The head of the crop, run up the inside of the sub's thighs, is very erotic, and a strike from the crop is quite impinging on the sub. Flails are items that have many long thin straps attached to a handle. They can actually break the skin if wielded too strongly, but with a light or medium touch, can get your sub's attention quickly. They cover a larger area of skin, giving many defined areas of pain. Paddles come in all shapes and sizes. They are used for spanking large areas.
These items should be used for higher gradients of discipline, since they do cause higher degrees of pain than the flat of your palm, and can cause injury if not used with caution. An inexperienced Dom should use the item on himself before using them on the sub. This way, the Dom will get an accurate estimate on the amount of force needed with each item to produce the desired effect.
There are also items like gags, ball gags, and face masks. I do not suggest that the beginner utilize those items. When gagged, the sub will have a difficult time getting a safeword out, and may be injured inadvertently.

Chapter 7 - Training Techniques
Respect for the sub is very important in this phase. As a Dom, you are attempting to bring out the best in your sub, not break her spirit and turn her into a robot. Even in training, there are certain guidelines that are useful:
1. Never strike a sub in the face. A light to medium open-hand slap is normally sufficient to handle the job. You can also place your hands on the sub's face to make them look at you.
2. Never break skin on purpose. If you do, handle it immediately after punishment is finished. Soothe the scrapes with lotion, talking softly and gently to your sub.
3. Never leave a bound sub unattended. Accidents can happen, and the sub is in no position to assist themselves.
4. Never discipline in anger. That has been covered earlier.
5. Never discipline under the influence of drugs or alcohol. This goes for the sub as well as the Dom.
6. Always explain why the discipline is occurring to the sub. Discipline must occur for a specific reason. To arbitrarily discipline a sub breaks down her trust in the Dom.
7. The punishment should fit the offense.
8. Discipline should always be followed with tenderness and love. The infraction has been dealt with, and is in the past. As a Dom, do not hold a grudge against the sub. Allow the sub to be forgiven.
There are a large number of techniques that Doms use. These vary from couple to couple. When my slave has been bad, in accordance with our previous agreements, one technique I use is to bind her hands above her head, bind her feet together, and, with the flat of my hand, spank her from her shoulders to her ankles, front and back. For my slave, this is a very effective way of getting her attention. I find it more personal to use my hands. However, from time to time, when she deserves it, I will bring out the more intense items. My favorite is the riding crop. It is very intimidating, and will cause my slave to instantly change her attitude even before it is used. Another technique I use is when my slave is turned away, or has her face down. I will take her hair in my hand and pull backwards, bringing her face back to meet mine. I grab as much hair as I can at once to keep from pulling it out. Again, these are techniques I use on my slave. They work well for me. You must learn your sub, and discover for yourself the techniques that work best.
Reward is also very important. Correct actions must be rewarded by the Dom, otherwise the sub has no incentive to obey the Dom's instructions. I will give my slave a single flower, a note left on the computer, or a loving caress. The reward will depend on the sub and the action which pleases the Dom. Once in a while, a Dom will find a sub to whom a spanking is a reward. This is why the Dom must know the sub, totally. Every sub is different, just as every Dom is different.
It is very difficult to give step-by-step instructions on how to discipline or reward a particular sub. Some subs are totally submissive, others have a very strong will. My slave is a very strong-willed person, so my discipline/reward for her will be much different than yours. In any case, the discipline is for correction, the reward is for compliance. If more correction is needed, do not hesitate in escalating your actions. Use the amount of correction necessary to punish the infraction. Do not threaten punishment. Apply it. The sub will respect the Dom to a greater degree. If the sub complies above and beyond what you expected, reward her accordingly. Remember, the strength of the Dom lies in his love for the sub.