lifestyles

                         The Beginners Guide to Bondage and Domination
                                 By Master James, assisted by Slave Sandi
                                 Copyright laws protect the authors' rights.

Disclaimer
This is a handbook for people to learn more about a type of relationship known as Bondage and Domination. We do not pull punches or try to soften the language used. If you are easily offended, do not continue reading this Guide. We are writing this from the experiences of others and our own experiences. This is by no means an endorsement of this lifestyle. It is meant as a guide to those who seek a greater understanding, or who are interested, but don't know how to start. The usage of "him" and "her" are from our own experience. Do not take it to mean the male must be dominant every time. There are many successful B&D relationships where the female is the Dominant, or in same sex relationships where one is dominant and the other submissive regardless of gender.
Introduction ondage and Domination (B&D) is an alternative relationship in which a Master or Dom controls the actions, emotions, and will of the slave, or submissive, often referred to as "sub". B&D does not necessarily refer to the sex act itself. B&D is more akin to a seduction. The Master seduces the slave with his power, the slave seduces the Master with their willingness and servitude. Sex does occur in the relationship, but in this Guide, we are discussing the lifestyle, not sexual practice. "Slave" and "sub", as well as "Master" and "Dom" are not directly interchangeable titles. The differences will be gone into later in this guide. A B&D relationship consists of two people who are mutually consenting adults who agree on a direction for their relationship. They agree that one of the partners will take the dominant, controlling role, and the other partner, the submissive, controlled role. Just like in any other relationship, it is a two way street, though to outsiders, it may not seem so. The Master relies on the slave as much as the slave relies on the Master. They are dependent on each other to satisfy their own needs. Each partner has different needs, as defined by their role as Dom or sub, but each is satisfied, though in different ways. Each couple will have their own set of agreements. This Guide talks about ours, but every B&D relationship is different. However, there are some basic rules that are universal.

Chapter 1 - Basic Definitions
Bondage and Domination are not to be confused with Sadomasochism. To make this more clear, we are including these basic definitions. They are taken from the American Heritage Dictionary.
Bondage - 2) A state of subjection to a force, power or influence. It comes from the Old English word bonda, which means husbandman (farmer)
Dominant - 1) Exercising the most influence or control; governing. 2) Most prominent in position or prevalence; ascendant. Comes from Old French and Latin dominans, to dominate.
Dominate - 1) To control, govern or rule by superior authority or power. Comes from Latin dominari, to rule - dominus, lord.
Humiliate - To lower the pride or dignity of; mortify. Comes from Latin humiliare, humiliat, to humble - humilis, humble.
Submissive - comes from Submit.
Submit - 1) To yield or surrender (oneself) to the will or authority of another. 2) To subject to a condition or process. 3) To yield to the opinion or authority of another; give in. 4) To allow oneself to be subjected; acquiesce. Comes from Middle English submitten, Latin submittere, to set under: sub-under + mittere - to cause to go.
Sadism - 1) The perversion of deriving sexual satisfaction from the infliction of pain on others. 2) Delight in cruelty. 3) Extreme cruelty. Comes from Comte Donatien de Sade (1740-1814)
Masochism - 1) An abnormal condition in which sexual excitement and satisfaction depend largely on being subjected to abuse or physical pain, whether by oneself or another. Comes from Leopold von Sacher-Masoch, Austrian novelist (1836-1895)
Sadomasochism - 1) The perversion of taking pleasure, especially sexual gratification from simultaneous sadism and masochism.
If you ignore the terms "perversion" and "abnormal" in the above definitions, you can still see that nowhere in the definition of dominate or submit do you have pain as an integral part. However, in Sadomasochism, the pain is the pleasure. In B&D, pain is a tool for correcting improper actions by the sub. In B&D, no actual injury occurs, or should occur. In Sadomasochism, or S&M, there is usually no such barrier. A spanking in B&D for the purpose of correction would become a flogging primarily for the purpose of pain for sexual delight in S&M. It is a difference in gradients and intent. In B&D, the Dom rarely, if ever, punishes the slave for the sake of punishment alone. S&M, however, revolves around the act. We are not saying that S&M is wrong, bad or undesirable. It is just a much higher gradient than B&D, and may be too intense for the beginner. Some people may confuse heavy B&D with S&M. They are two very different things.

Chapter 2 - The Players
Although it may seem through outward appearances that all the power in the relationship flows from the Dom or Master to the sub or slave, this is somewhat misleading. The players in a B&D relationship, no matter which side they are on, are equals to a certain degree. Both sides have power, but in different ways. The Dom may have ultimate authority, but the sub is the one who initiates most actions. To prevent any misunderstanding between players, they should understand the difference between a Dom and a Master, and a submissive and a sub.
The Dominant, or Dom.
"Many inexperienced Doms believe that all that is required is simply ordering your sub around as you choose. It's not. There's much more to be said about what being a good Dom requires" (Rex99, 07-21-95, AOL). Domination is not just giving random orders. A good Dom will find a way to cause the sub to desire pleasing the Dom. A Dom, or Dominant, is the protector, teacher, and lover to the sub.
As the protector, the Dom must be a) stronger than the sub, and b) stronger than other males in the life of the sub. This does not mean that he has to be physically bigger or stronger. We are talking about character and personality.
As the teacher, the Dom must be wise and, above all, right. The Dom should not arbitrarily punish the sub on a whim. There must be a reason. To do otherwise will break down the trust and security of the sub. The Dom has to be respected by the sub. Respect is a quality that is earned by the Dom being right, and issuing swift, correct justice and reward to the sub. The Dom is not there to inflict pain and degradation on the sub, but to give the sub a goal and a direction on how to love and please him.
As the lover, the Dom is loving and, when appropriate, stern. He must recognize that he is the only source of pleasure for the sub. He must see to it that this area is not neglected. The Dom should, when appropriate, be gentle, supportive, and tender to the sub. A Dom/sub relationship is not just about overpowering. It is about the Dom caring for the well-being of the sub. If punishment is required to stop a destructive action by the sub, then it comes from the Dom. On the other hand, when correct action has been noted by the Dom, love and caring should come from him to the sub.
The Master.
The Master is a higher gradient of control in B&D. The Master follows the same rules as a Dom, but in a stricter sense. The Master has a slave, not a sub. The slave is owned or "collared" by the Master. The Master considers the slave a possession, but a highly valuable and loved one, the most valuable thing he owns. Offenses against the rules laid out by the Master are dealt with more severely, in most circumstances. Still, the Master, when pleased, flows great love and caring to his slave. The Master is also more protective of his slave because the slave is totally dependent on the Master.
The Submissive, or sub.
"To be sure, the slave serves; the Master receives. But that does not mean that the slave has no sense of self, or self-worth. Her needs are real, and she should leave a relationship where her needs are not met." (Rex99, 07-21-95, AOL). The role of the submissive appears to be somewhat simpler, but in actuality, the sub plays a large role in shaping the B&D relationship. The sub's primary role is to follow her Dom's directions and to please the Dom. Being submissive does not mean that the sub is a doormat for the Dom. The sub is the Dom's companion, his student, and his lover.
As a companion, the sub is treated with respect and dignity, is allowed to voice opinions, and allowed to share in the Dom's activities. This is the area where the sub is the most equal with the Dom.
As a student, the sub learns how to please the Dom, and when done, expects to be rewarded by the Dom. Likewise, when not done or done incorrectly, the sub expects to be corrected and shown the right way to act.
As a lover, the sub goes out of her way to please the Dom because she genuinely cares for his well being. The sub does this, not out of fear of pain or retribution, but because she wants to give the Dom pleasure. The sub does not want the Dom to be disappointed with her. The sub takes pleasure from the fact that the Dom is pleased.
The slave.
The slave is a higher gradient of submissiveness in B&D. A slave's primary purpose in life is to serve the needs and desires of the Master. The slave relinquishes all control to the Master, because the slave knows the Master has her well-being totally at heart. The slave is marked by her Master in some fashion to show ownership. This can be done with a tattoo. I have collared Sandi with a tattoo on the back of her neck that means "Respectful and subservient". The Master/slave relationship tends to be more of a lifetime commitment to each other than a typical Dom/sub relationship. The slave is held to a higher standard of conduct and compliance than a typical sub, due to the fact that the slave has given control of her life to the Master.
his love for the sub.